vessel

tonight, i had a promise with myself. i will not compare myself. i will look straight ahead and i will not stop running. this is my time.

lost drawings

today, i stopped by the drawing studio. while drawing figures, i got bored. i started wandering around the room until i caught my own drawings in the corner of the room. it must of gotten dropped from my shelf. it was going to be lost forever if i didn't see them today. poor drawings. i think i need to post them up just because they are survivers.

more naked drawings. i do too many of these. i think i need serious sex therapy!

what would come out of it.

it's a battle bt my mind and my body that will create something in between.

it's an odd feeling of painting something. i am creating something out of me. it exists because of me.

chop me into many pieces

with so many agonizing days, i finally got the courage to start my 2nd painting. now that i got a start, i am starting to feel happy again.
i am totally bipolar. crazy! just right down crazy!!!!
anyway, i guess, in the end, you just learn to know more of yourself.
how do you find the balance?
how do others do it? why is it such a struggle for me? am i missing something? i truly wonder..... is it because i am an artist? or is being an artist just an excuse? where does sanity and insanity divide?
i recently told my friend that i think my life would have been so much easier if i didn'thave the rebellious issue... would i have wanted to be just another person doing the same thing that other people did... why would i waste my life that way? why do i think this way? why do i make myself utterly alone in this world.
why was i made this way.....
conspiracy i tell you.

what exactly is the point?

lately i can't stop to wonder what the point is..
i mean wht is the frickin point? why do we get up, why do we work, why do we do all the things that we do? is it because it makes us happy? for how long would that keep us happy? i feel like everything in life is such a bore.
everything! there's a conspiracy going on up there...i just know it.

bar scene

today, i went to hang out with my friend J after drawing.

i looked at the bar scene from outside.

i decided that i do not want to go in.

one thing for sure, i do not want to talk in loud settings anymore.

words are too precious to be lost in that fashion.

that's my thought of the day.

honestly

how often can you pour your soul out to someone

how honest can you be

how much would you bare yourself

how much are you willing to share

4.21.08