thought in process

collecting thoughts and organizing them in my head

words aligning with their priority and connections.

eventually coming together for me to accept and understand.

and when i take it into my heart, it becomes more than just thoughts,

it becomes life.

images

my story on april 21 2008, closer to my imagination...

study

somethings just don't come easy. it takes time for it to come out of your imagination....

into the new world

i had the most vivid dream. the one that made my mouth drop.

it told my future...into the new world.

hudson

took a road trip to hudson today. very charming place

good luck and good night

while showing S my wallet with special condom compartment, she called me her favorite person...

i was so happy to hear those words, i decided to make her my special condom carrying wallet.

here's a wallet for you...

"Good Luck and Good Night!"

look into yourself

what makes it good

i am looking at the sky. i am looking at the most beautiful pink and coral lights that lit up a building. the colors just melted away with the greyish lavender sky that almost looked so fake to be true. it really was breathlessly beautiful. i took a camera out of my head and took a picture so that i could remember it till my last day.
what makes something good? what makes something beautiful and worth keeping? what will make my art good. what will make my life worth living??? question was knocking on my darkest door.
.............
i think the truth..even if it's pathetic and sad and lonely, and all that made my day ultimately made my life beautiful. because it's real and it's what i truly feel. what would make my life and my art good... was up to how real i was going to be.....

i will repeat it back to me...once again

connect the dot

on my way back from the city, as soon as my bus makes its way out of the lincoln tunnel, i get this panoramic view of the city night sky. it's a view that's too grand to even absorb... but since i look at it almost everynight, i forget... i foget how grand it is..
today, i took in this view with much respect... i tried to imagine the connected line between one of those lighted room back to me.....
what did it mean... so many people, so many different lives...all with their own dreams and despair, and all that life offers...
it was so much to take in... then, i ever imagined.

when i got back home, i had dinner with mom..
i think i really wanted to speak to her about this feeling i had inside... like what was the purpose of all this... and most importantly, wanted to ask her what was her motive in life... but then, she was too busy trying to watch tv. i actually answered my own question of what drove her life... to watch korean drama. i don't get it....

i missed my dad....i wonder what my dad would of said if i told him..
that i was tired. i was just tired of all.

is my dream that far away... why does it seem so far and dark.
how would i be able to connect the dot between one of those lights back to me.