Wednesday, April 2, 2008

connect the dot

on my way back from the city, as soon as my bus makes its way out of the lincoln tunnel, i get this panoramic view of the city night sky. it's a view that's too grand to even absorb... but since i look at it almost everynight, i forget... i foget how grand it is..
today, i took in this view with much respect... i tried to imagine the connected line between one of those lighted room back to me.....
what did it mean... so many people, so many different lives...all with their own dreams and despair, and all that life offers...
it was so much to take in... then, i ever imagined.

when i got back home, i had dinner with mom..
i think i really wanted to speak to her about this feeling i had inside... like what was the purpose of all this... and most importantly, wanted to ask her what was her motive in life... but then, she was too busy trying to watch tv. i actually answered my own question of what drove her life... to watch korean drama. i don't get it....

i missed my dad....i wonder what my dad would of said if i told him..
that i was tired. i was just tired of all.

is my dream that far away... why does it seem so far and dark.
how would i be able to connect the dot between one of those lights back to me.

2 comments:

Ethan Bodle said...

When I was little, every time I had a high fever, from the flu or whatever, I would have serious hallucinations. One of the things that would happen is that everything I looked at would appear to be receding into the distance. Like, when I looked at my bedside clock, it would be zooming further and further away from me. It was very frightening because I felt like everything around me was really distant. Every few minutes, I had to reach out and touch the clock just to prove to myself that it was right there next to me.

Maybe your dreams are like that. In your mind, on a bad day, you see them as far away, but they are right there next to you. It's just how you feel about it, how you perceive it. No amount of success or accomplishment is going to change how you feel about the city lights in the distance. That kind of thing comes from within you.

Relish the heart-pounding, mind-aching feeling. That's what makes you who you are and motivates you. Flow with it.

Anonymous said...

wow.
i completely relate to this. i get that feeling when i'm in the city at night driving home. we used to go there a lot when i was little and always come back when it was dark, and when i'd get to this one stretch of road it was just lights, lights, lights. i always wondered about all the lives going on simultaneously. and i wish that i could ask my dad about that too.